MAYJAH

ME: Where is the full-length mirror? What kind of hotel room doesn’t have a full-length mirror? (checking every surface in disbelief) Do these shoes look OK?

HIM: They look great.

ME: Too much? The dress is already too much so I feel like the shoes are a bit too much added to the already too much of the dress, culminating in a trainwreck of muchness.

HIM: There is no such thing as too much. Are you crazy? They look FINE.

ME: They looked great before, now they just look fine? (chewing fingernails)

HIM: THEY LOOK GREAT.

ME: Oh! Wait! To the webcam!

and that is the story of how I overcame Hotel Vertigo’s mirror embargo. This gross error in judgment on Hotel Vertigo’s part is only eclipsed by the complete and utter lack of a coffeemaker in my hotel room. Seriously, no coffeemaker? What kind of third-world problem in a first-world city is this? What kind of an animal do you think I am? Allow me to inform you. I am the kind of animal that requires hot coffee in a semisupine position at the barest emergence of consciousness, on a flotilla of pillows. THAT is the kind of animal that I am.

Posted 2 years ago — 47 notes