“I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.”
—The opener of Colin Nissan’s “It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers” for McSweeney’s. Make sure to read the rest. (via lifeserial)
October 2009
91 posts
What is more pleasant than inadvertent bumping?
enormousair - Donald Antrim, The Verificationist (Knopf, 2000), 141.
Listless
I have no idea what you all are talking about with your fancy Twitter Lists. I’m having Red Rover flashbacks. No, it’s OK, I just got something in my eye.
I Am Sporting Such A Ladyboner
for Zolora right now.
“Beowulf apologizes to you mid-coitus.”
—
McSweeney’s: Seven Rejected Improv Troupe Scenarios.
My new favorite sentence.
(via atsween)
I misread that as ‘apologizes to YOUR mid-coitus’, the meta-ness of which I can’t resist. LOVE.
I Hearted It
before I’d even scrolled down to the snot bubbles. I thought ‘oh what an awesome glasses shot _scroll_ ooooohhh my’. But you know what? I did not take the heart away, no no. Because you have to love ALL parts of a person, people. All parts, even the snotty parts. ESPECIALLY the snotty parts.
INT. CAR - EARLY MORNING
- KIDLET: Soycles!
- ME: Circles?
- KIDLET: Soycles, mom, Soycles!
- ME: Cycles?
- KIDLET: Soycles!
- ME: Cylinders?
- KIDLET: Soycles! Look!
- ME: CIRCLES?
- KIDLET: Soycles!
- ME: ...
- KIDLET: Mom! Soycles!
- ME: Wow, exciting!
- KIDLET: Citing?
